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stippling

by stippling

/
1.
Never again. My voice dependant on the weather. This whole fucking night is one stagnant nightmare. I’m not mad, it’s just that I’m getting older. I know I said I’d call. I’m wrong. But I shouldn’t have to feel fucked up for not wanting to be you.
2.
Quarry 01:59
My headaches don’t get better. Out your mouth and into my ear. These things, they don’t get better. I can’t seem to avoid shifting pens. Old bicycle, my burning hand. I need the breakneck speed of an antelope quarrier. Old bicycle, my burning field. I want to be the last one here. My dad herds cattle but no deer. So why were antlers trapped in the burgundy picket fence? I fight my battles with no beer. You and I, the last ones here. Multiple deer when you counter-steer; a curse that i can’t shed. I cannot adhere to the everclear; the drinking swells my head.
3.
I'm Attached 01:38
Who knew I could feel less alive; it’s how I look with less hair, how I sleep all the time. And now I don’t care, even though I might try, it’s never been more apparent by the look in my eyes. My skins turned grey. My pupils shut out the light. The color's gone from from my head, I only see black and white. And it’s the way I miss you, though I see you all the time. The way I say I don’t care, and hope you notice that I’m lying. I’m not scared. I’m not lying to myself (I’m so scared, I know I’ve been lying to myself). I never thought that I’d be this fucked up, growing up.
4.
Were you just laughing at yourself, or was I mistaken again. Thank god I’m laughed at for my hair. Thank god it’s fair. I don’t wanna hear your shit band I’m just tryna go home. The lineup is stacked with kids from my high school tryna be like us. My amp won’t work; it’s not your fault but I’m sweating through my shirt. Rachel is not a real person so don’t ask me about her. I don’t wanna hear your shit band I’m just tryna go home.
5.
Summer Sucks 01:53
I’ll never waste another night on my own. Sup to me? I’ll drink a forty with my friends at the show. We’ll climb the roof and watch the city below. Finally, good fucking riddance to feeling so alone. I’m not contingent on you only. Calvin’ll never pick up his fucking phone. In the least it’s kinda funny, and he’s letting you know. Sign the lease, put down the money, move out of Hatboro. When I leave I’ll waste my days not caring when I get home.
6.
Hell 01:41
Turn this song off. My old band sucks more than I thought. I feel so numb when I’m on drugs, that’s why I drink so hard. Cut your loss. You know my old friend Grubb’s band wrote that song? If dad and mom had got along I wouldn’t be so bummed. I contemplate the way it feels. When I’m in hell I’ll know it’s real. A checkered line crossed alone. When I die I’ll be home.
7.
Breathing’s hard. Yeah it’s not so easy is it? Carry me off to bed. Refill my cartridge. Like a sheep, I’m led. I go back to sleep. Your apology had a scent of some indifference. I get sick just being me. Your apology was only for bookkeeping. You’ll always be the one who’s lucky.
8.
I’m sitting in the woods on a metal grate, and I was getting high and being avoidant. Let’s just get everyone together and we’ll each down seven drinks. I feel ok. Not so boastful if I throw up in the sink. I made a trash pile from your beer cans, and it’s looking great. Do I leave it by the poolside, or do I throw it in the lake? I’ll spend my whole life remembering kissing you on new year’s eve. Baby stop the car so I can show you what you mean to me. Don’t get caught up in the talk of what it means to disagree. Spent my whole winter feeling stupid in my decency.
9.
Old Cassette 01:43
A boy was born in blender, a boy grew up and turned into man. The train wrecks and sleepless nights. These hands don’t make changes as fast as I’d like. How can you not hate the way you make others feel. How can you feel safe when life stops showing appeal. I’ll spin the record one last time to see if the song still brings you to my mind. The never ending pensive guilt of loneliness. Responsibility for losing someone closer than a friend.
10.
Whoa, the year 2001. The year we had no fun. Rachel let’s go home. I get hit down low, you fuckers behind this. Apologies pointless. A white sedan chased you down the parkway. Come outside, I’ll wait in the driveway.
11.
Trying harder not to think so hard about myself. I’m fucked up in my head. Things aren’t quite what they seem when you live in a dream, but I’m not wasting time. I wanna write it off right. Though the animal lives in my ribcage; can you set it free? I don’t think you can. If I were to fall in eternal sleep; would you wake me still? I don’t think you would. It’s not the way one wastes a wilted word without thought; it’s how they’ll write it off too soon. I know I’d write it off too soon. To keep my lighter on I’d bum a cigarette out or two. It’s how they’ll write it off too soon. I know I’d write it off. All my memory was locked up in the car; could you kiss this face? I don't think you could. I guess the marriage talk was only just for fun; we could have shared a name. I wished that we could.

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Plz use headphones your computer speakers probably suck

Cassette tape released by Funeral Sounds (FSR036) at some point.

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released March 25, 2016

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Funeral Sounds Houston, Texas

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